Wednesday, 23 October 2013


I was shocked beyond words when my son walked into my room the other day and caught me smiling at something I was reading.
'MUM!' he exclaimed,' you are smiling!'
'What do you mean?  I smile often'
'Yeah.. but not like that... not with you mouth open and your eyes happy'.

Those words tore at my heart.

I would have considered myself a happy person. I have been through enough loss and hardship to learn that circumstances cannot determine my happiness. Its been a battle hard won. 
One I had refused to concede. But, it seems, unwittingly, I have. 
Despite my very best intentions, I have become overwhelmed with the little things -  the small stuff I know not to sweat. 

The look of my home has become more important than the look of my heart. And thats not ok.

You see, too often I gauge my happiness on what's right in front of me, how stressful my situation is right now instead of looking at the big picture. I need to remember to step back, take a big breath and be thankful. 
Yes... life sure is crazy hard at times. Sleepless nights, hormonal teenagers, grumpy children and a restless baby can be tough going. 

I got a slap in the face reminder about what true happiness looks like and where it comes from

I can be happy regardless of my situation because I know that my happiness is centered on so much more than what happens to be staring at me from moment to moment.
Because my happiness is centered in my Father in Heaven. 
He alone gives me all the security, joy and validation I need ~ when I am anxious, lonely, or overwhelmed I can fall on Him and find true honest joy in the safety of His arms.
Regardless of circumstance.

Psalm 61:2 says ...From the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

There is Someone on who I can lean when life gets too much... too busy and stressful and hard.
This means that the true happiness I experience is not dictated to by the noise level of my children, the extent of my finances, how many friends I have, how tidy and clean my house is, how lovely my garden looks, or how many times my husband thinks to buy me flowers.... yadda, yadda, yadda
(don't get me wrong.. flowers are lovely and do help me feel pretty amazing! Tim... wink wink!!) 
It means that in the absence of these things I can still be joyful and happy.
Because I know that everything that I am experiencing now is only temporary, life here on earth will pass by so quickly and the stuff that seemed so huge and overwhelming will suddenly appear so insignificant in the light of eternity. 

A number of years ago I began a journal that recorded the loss of three of our babies. In it I made a deliberate effort to find the small moments of beauty I could be thankful for, when life constantly felt like a series of heartaches and agonies. It was amazing to me that there was still so much around me that was breathtaking in its goodness when it could have so easily been the opposite. It has been refreshing to read back through this and be reminded of how much joy there is in our day to day life if only we take the time out to find it. 

This in essence is what true happiness looks like. It is evident in one who understands that life is so much more than the here and now. That the burdens of everyday - whether they are mammoth or somewhat smaller - are momentary. That it is the eternal purposes that are the only ones truly worth pursuing. 


Thursday, 10 October 2013


I am a very lucky lady. Not only do I have the most awesome bunch of kids and fabulous hubby... I also have the best bunch of friends. Including this wonderful lady... who not only spoilt me rotten for my birthday but also braved opening up her home to this gigantic family... she fed, cared for and loved each one of us for four whole days. 

Freshly roasted and expertly made coffee, freshly baked bread, neverending baking, and general bliss were the order of the weekend and as you can imagine.. I didnt want to come home! Ever.

Birthday flowers

Honing my soccer skills

My divine Birthday dinner... freshly caught snapper and venison

Coffee on the deck

We even got to sneak out for a birthday brunch... just the two of us!

The family Rolston

Thank you Dee for an exceptional birthday.
We love you.


Wednesday, 2 October 2013


 ... by way of keeping my sanity, anything not completely and utterly necessary has fallen by the wayside this month.
Including this space.
So here is a collection of moments... captured as I was able.

We have these terribly steep stairs at home and this baby is determined to reach the top. I spend all day trying desperately to keep him off them. Not because I want to wrap him in cotton wool and prevent him from exploring and experimenting... just because those little stocking-ed feet are so slippery and that would be a hard fall.
I have enjoyed moments of beauty this month as the tulips have bloomed and the weather has warmed our bodies and and our hearts. Picnics on beaches and hilltops with precious friends... Birthday parties and weekends with a houseful of children. I finally secured a world map I had been drooling over for ages and the hubby and I managed a date night {with a chaperone naturally}
While its been a hard month... a time of relearning my limits and humbling my heart... it has also been glorious to feel the sun's warmth on my cheeks and enjoy time with my family.

We have school holidays here at the moment and the lack of routine is delightful.. sleepy lie-ins and lazy days are bliss. I am also gleefully anticipating a weekend away for my birthday with one of our favourite families.

I am truly blessed. 

Here's to  a beautiful October