our sunset

This week marked the end of the most beautiful chapter of our lives

I have permanently removed the option of us having more babies

and my heart is so sad.

It is the right decision for us as a family 

but the thought of no more newborn

babies, no silky soft snuggles and

no tiny fingers curled around mine

is a heartbreaking idea that

I am struggling to comprehend.

I will move forward and celebrate the

next phase, I will delight in my children

for who they are to become

and not only for what they have been.

And I will forever remain thankful that I was blessed

with six gorgeous souls to train and guide

and love

and three more I get to spend all of eternity 

with.

I am recovering well... resting my body and 

taking this rare opportunity to do nothing and be pampered.

Having so many big babies took their toll on this body of mine

and it needed quite a bit of repairing. 

(They would only do this if I was certain that we would be

having no more, hence the tubal ligation)

I feel so blessed to be surrounded with such love and care

and am grateful for the kindness and nurture

I am being showered with.

Thank you friends.

xxx

The last of summer: a week in pictures

a busy beautiful week full of dinners with friends,

birthday parties and trips to the river exploring woody glades and

rocky riverbanks with the cousins.

Relishing these last blissful summer days.

(photos courtesy of Mollie Robinson)

AND SO THE YEAR BEGINS....

1. Oh yanno.... just standing here chillin' with my bro's while we fill up on plums...
2. Party time! We celebrated our baby's first birthday with loads of family, friends and amazing food.
3. Nothing like filling your plates with bounty from the sea and bounty from your garden to make life feel grand.
4. Birthday boy
5. I cannot get enough of these blooms... they fill every available vessel in my home right now

I hope your new year has started beautifully and you are feeling refreshed, 

 restored and energised after the holidays.

Joining in with Em for the weekly stills collection

xx

One Year Ago....

.... this happened

 ... and our lives were turned upside down in the most wonderful way.

Theodore (Teddy) Beau Philip Robinson entered our lives on January 5th 2013 (a whopping 9lbs 8oz) and brought with him the most wonderful sunshine.

Our lives have been enriched, filled to the brim with love and completely and utterly transformed with the arrival of this gorgeous wee man.

He has helped heal broken hearts, fixed teenage angst and added a richness to our lives 

that we would never have thought possible.

My son...

while I cannot even begin to understand where a whole year has gone... I also can hardly remember life without you here! 

Your brothers still race in to be the first to hold you in the morning... your beautiful chuckle when your siblings play with you never fails to make everyone else laugh in turn, those facial expressions you have mastered are priceless and we are all taking huge delight in watching you learn to walk.

This has been the most wonderful, wonderful year and I am saddened that it has come to an end. Sad to not have a wee babe in my arms but excited too as you begin to develop more and more of your personality. You are incredibly cheeky... that grin when you know you are being disobedient makes it so hard to punish you! You are so very stubborn too -  but also oh! so eager to please! You still don't sleep through the night and I am exhausted with the waking but I treasure that time with you in the dead of the night when no one else is awake and its just you and me. You are very welcome to sleep through though son... I would treasure sleep just the same! 

Your dad and I are so grateful that the Lord gave you to us and we pray that we will be worthy of such a precious gift and always seek to be the parents He has called us to be. 

I pray my Teddy boy...as one year rolls into two and two to three, your toddler years to childhood and your adolescence to adulthood that you would know the love of your Saviour, that you would grow to be a man of faith, a lover of wisdom and a follower of Christ.

May you heed the counsel of your father and honour your mother.

HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY THEO!!!

We love you with all our hearts

xx

ADVENT

For our advent calendar this year we gave the kids more opportunity to serve each other and their community. We desperately want their hearts to embrace the true meaning of this beautiful season.

They all take a turn opening an envelope which contain a small treat, a joke and an activity we can enjoy as a famiy.

Here are some of the activities included this year...  we brainstormed ideas and Google helped us out with the rest!! 

Read the Christmas story

Bake for the local firestation as a way of saying thank you for their amazing service

Make cookies and take them to our neighbours

Have a slumber party beside the Christmas tree as a family

Watch a Christmas movie

Have a dinner with each of the grandparents with the (kids making it and serving them)

Take a gift and put it under the tree at Kmart

Make and decorate gingerbread men to give away

Pick up a takeaway hot chocolate and drive around the Christmas lights

Go op-shopping for kids to buy Christmas presents for their siblings (thanks Dee!)

Do something lovely for a family member

Do something lovely for a non family member

Dress up for dinner

Have a fish and chip dinner at the beach

Make and give Christmas cards for teachers and Sunday School teachers

Write a love note for all your siblings to go in their stockings

Visit Birdwoods (our favourite old fashioned lolly shop)

Make popcorn and watch Home Alone

Make paper snowflakes

Take a walk through the Redwoods together

Have a midnight feast

Make a gift and send it to Tims employer

A mix of serving others and connecting as a family  as we head into the crazy season!

(I have written down what we are doing each day in my diary as well so I am not taken by surprise or forget what's coming up. I also have only filled half the envelopes with activities so I can shuffle those last two weeks as necessary!)

Do you doing anything for Advent?

would love to hear your ideas

xx

A {BRIEF} WEEKLY STILLS COLLECTION

1. Backyard fun... who would have thought that the humble badminton game would provide hours and hours of entertainment.

2. Baby's first swim. A bit of a natural it turns out.

3. Last weekend was party central as our girl turned 15. Wowzers. Teenagers for Africa... family for miles and a party that lasted all weekend. Crazy wonderful chaos.

4. The husband and I celebrated 16 years of wedded bliss by spending nearly a whole week in the gorgeous Queenstown. A rejuvenating.. wonderful.. blissful week. (more on this to follow as soon as I find a spare moment)

5. The bliss of that week was rewarded with an awfully sick baby on our return home. Nothing, and I mean nothing got done while he snuggled and recovered.

Hope your week has been beautiful

I promise to be back asap to bore you with loads of photos from our trip away!

xx 

Joining in with the Beetleshack for the stills collection

A MONTH OF MOMENTS

 ... by way of keeping my sanity, anything not completely and utterly necessary has fallen by the wayside this month.

Including this space.

So here is a collection of moments... captured as I was able.

We have these terribly steep stairs at home and this baby is determined to reach the top. I spend all day trying desperately to keep him off them. Not because I want to wrap him in cotton wool and prevent him from exploring and experimenting... just because those little stocking-ed feet are so slippery and that would be a hard fall.
I have enjoyed moments of beauty this month as the tulips have bloomed and the weather has warmed our bodies and and our hearts. Picnics on beaches and hilltops with precious friends... Birthday parties and weekends with a houseful of children. I finally secured a world map I had been drooling over for ages and the hubby and I managed a date night {with a chaperone naturally}
While its been a hard month... a time of relearning my limits and humbling my heart... it has also been glorious to feel the sun's warmth on my cheeks and enjoy time with my family.

We have school holidays here at the moment and the lack of routine is delightful.. sleepy lie-ins and lazy days are bliss. I am also gleefully anticipating a weekend away for my birthday with one of our favourite families.

I am truly blessed. 

Here's to  a beautiful October 

xx

CALLING IN THE REINFORCEMENTS {AND LETTING GO OF MY PRIDE}

This week I hit a brick wall. Actually I smashed into it doing 100 miles an hour and fell on the floor in a big quivering mess. Not literally fortunately but emotionally, physically and mentally ~ I completely came to the end of myself.
Unfortunately it coincided with Tim being away for work which may or may not have had something to do with it... but whatever the reason it certainly had been brewing for a while... and when it happened it was nasty.

I swallowed my pride and inspired by this darling lady I rang my mum. 
Not an easy thing for me to do... the whole admitting I'm struggling things is really really hard for me. I like to appear capable and competent and totally on top of everything.

Anyway.. My mama arrived. With dinner, breakfast and B vitamin and iron rich superfoods she had me chugging back brewers yeast smoothies (argghh... still as disgusting as when I was a kid) and floradix tonic while I rested and read.
My house is clean and washing done and folded... I have rested and slept for the first time in a long time... and already I am feeling more like my old self.

So thankful and so blessed.

Thank you God for mums

xx

~ THIS WEEK {LAUGHTER, TEARS AND AIRPORTS} ~

1. Daphne in full bloom. I just don't tire of this flower.... it's in every room of our home.

2. G&T's with my sister in law after the best surprise EVER visit all the way over from Aussie... joining all the rest of Tim's family who were home for a visit. A rare time of togetherness with no one missing.

3. Heartbreaking farewells

4. Gorgeous new boots - Finally!!

5. This little guy is desperate to stand up!! Noooooooo

6. Tree lined entrance to our neighbouring city.. a gloomy day to match our gloomy mood as we drove to the airport to farewell our family making their way back to their respective countries.

7. We sat atop the bluff after an emotional time at the airport. Eating pizza in the car and we calmed as we watched the ocean 

~

Although so sad having to say goodbye I am at the same time so so happy as my mama arrives back in the country tonight after travelling for the last four months.

Whoop whoop

Joining in with the Beetleshack for the weekly stills 

(arghhh... grainy grainy photos!)

friday night fabulousness

We had the most fabulous Friday night. A last minute nighttime adventure to our neighbouring city. 
Complete with fish and chips on the beach in the dark and the requisite game of lava on the ground. 
Perfect. Fun. and best of all - cheap as chips!
Literally. 
All boxes ticked.

(complete with McDonalds ice-cream on the trip home)

Awesome way to end the school holidays.

We will all be very sad to return to the normal routine come Monday.

Violet May

Miscarriage

a word that stirs huge emotion.

I always felt sad whenever I heard it... grateful that I had never had to experience it for myself but achy for those that had.

We had called time on our baby having days and I was so relieved that despite a few 'heart in mouth' moments in the early weeks of some of my pregnancies we had never  had to deal with the pain of losing any of our babies.

2010 was a very painful year for us in so many many ways. A year of loss. Financial, emotional and material loss. We lost our home....our business... our lifestyle... our confidence.  

And we lost our baby.

A baby we were not expecting but delighted in just the same. A baby we thought would take our minds off the trauma of the past two years and the trauma we knew was still coming.

I had returned to full time work for the first time in 13 years out of necessity and while it was extremely difficult balancing my priorities it was a great time of learning and growing. I hated being away from my children and not being there when they were sick and sad but it made me extremely grateful for the many years I had been privileged to be with them all day every day.

Five months into my job I unexpectedly fell pregnant. And got very very sick. Sicker than I had ever been with any of my babies before. I put it down to working full time and my heavier stress load and tried to soldier on. It didn't work. I was forced to give up my job  and for the next three months I could barely move. Scans were done to rule out twins and everything was deemed fine.
 I breathed a sigh of relief and moved into my next trimester with a happy heart.

My four month checkup came around and I remember the morning so clearly. I woke feeling fantastic and rejoicing that the worst was over and ecstatic that we would hear a teeny weeny heartbeat today. My 4 year old and I went out for coffee and fluffy and talked excitedly about seeing the midwife and hearing our baby... and off we went to that much anticipated appointment. 

Except there was no heartbeat. Nothing but the sound of my own heart and an eerily quiet womb.

My heart stopped. 

I prayed and begged and prayed that miraculously we would hear the sound we had longed for. Our midwife tried again and again but there was silence.
We arranged to meet at the hospital later that day and it was the longest day of my life.
We were heartbroken when the ultrasound revealed that our baby had passed away a couple of weeks earlier. Our unexpected, darling, cherished baby was safe in the arms of Jesus and I rejoiced knowing I would see her again one day but my arms ached literally knowing I would never feel her dear wee body this side of heaven.

We named our baby Violet May 

I never knew the pain of losing a baby from a miscarriage could be so utterly devastating. I had imagined it would be hard but I never would have believed just how hard... 

I learnt so much from those early weeks of grieving. I became completely dependent on my Saviour.. I knew that He had a purpose in this even though I had no idea what it could be. His ways are perfect even when we can't make sense of them. His love is infinite and overwhelming in it's goodness. 
I learnt that I could praise Him in this storm.
That I would not drown... or be left to tread water... His hand would constantly uphold me and I would be ok.

Hard lessons.
Painful lessons.
But... vitally important lessons.


It took another 6 months before we were told it was safe to try for another baby if we wanted to - we had subsequently  found out that the reason we had lost her was because I had suffered from a partial molar pregnancy - she would never have made it full term. 
{This condition is considered a pre-cancerous which meant over the next six months I had to have constant blood tests to check my hormone levels and make sure I was safe}
We prayed a lot about whether we should try again and sought His wisdom and guidance. We eventually decided that we would and were so happy when a year to the day of that last positive test ~ another test revealed new life once again.

This wee baby went to Jesus at only 7 weeks.
Five months later another dear babe at 8 weeks.

Such pain... such grief... but throughout it all... such dependence on our Saviour,  that His ways are perfect. Again we trusted in His sovereign will in our lives and in the lives of our dear children.

I am so thankful for this chapter in our lives... a time of growth and maturing in our faith... a strengthening and cementing of our marriage... a teaching and growing time for our children who were deeply affected  throughout this journey... and an opportunity to learn just how precious and fragile life is. 
Not one day should ever be taken for granted.

My daily source of inspiration and wisdom over this period came in the form of a book I was gifted by a dear friend. Ann Voscamp taught me so much  about contentment, about grace, about happiness regardless of circumstance, about Gratitude.
Choosing to daily fill my heart with ALL that He freely gives and to live Fully.
 This verse became my mantra.

'Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything with prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, will guard your heart and your minds in Christ Jesus..... For I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content'
Philippians 4:6-7 and 11

~
I found this prayer I wrote after our third baby passed away;

Hold me today Father in your everlasting arms, calm the aching grief of my heart as I once again hand over a tiny babe into Your arms.
Help me Father to redeem my time wisely and to hold to what is truly valuable in life.
Thank you for this heartbreaking but vital reminder to cherish my beautiful family, to hold this precious life as a fragile bubble and to remain thankful of every moment. To slow down.
Cradle my babes in Your arms Jesus until I can hold them myself.
Thank you for teaching me, holding me and for loving me with unconditional love.
In Your name.

Amen.
xx

These weeks...

It's been 'one of those months' 

I haven't kept this space up to date really so instead of a weekly stills... this is more of a month long roundup.

                1. All happy in our big baby bed. Mama finally let go of the bassinet

                     2. Waiting for daddy

                     3. Making: Harem pants (kinda)

                     4. Treats to keep kids happy and quiet while Mama listens at our church

                          conference

                     5.  A delicious present from my man

                     6.  A beautiful place name setting at the 50th of a precious friend on saturday 

                          night ~ a gift from this talented pair

                     7.  Snuggled up to watch Saturday sports wearing divine alpaca mittens made by 

                          his wonderful Auntie Alice

Belatedly joining in with The Beetleshack for the weekly stills collection

again - please excuse the photo quality... I have been using my crappy phone camera in the absence of  my own     camera